WEDDING FERVOUR

Two weeks today is wedding day.

Ashleigh and her fiance, Rob, have been back home from London for three weeks and between going to the gym together almost every day, fake and baking twice a week to turn the pasty winter white skin slightly tan so we don't burn in the Caribbean, and running ALL OVER the map on wedding errands, this puppy is tired. I am going to need a vacation to get over the past few weeks. But, I am loving it. Aside from the fact that I am going through more gasoline than a long-distance trucker, it is such a treat to be able to spend this much time with my daughter in the last few days before she moves on to her new life (in what looks like will be North Vancouver - a 45 minute drive away). Although, I have to say, being mother-of-the-bride is a bit of a tightrope act, taking your steps very carefully because one slip in either direction and you are in trouble. I was warned about this by a good friend who's daughter married last summer. The bride is, naturally, stressed and tired and the person she will usually take her frustration out on is mom. Thus a well intentioned comment or piece of advice will not be received in the spirit it was given and, more often than not, a sullen or terse reply will result. I had mentally prepared myself for this and so just bite my tongue and try to put it down to wedding stress. But I will admit that it is hard not to feel hurt. Especially when, right after snapping at me, she turns to Rob and is all softness, smiles and kisses. If she snapped at him as well then putting it down to stress would make sense and be easier to accept but because that never happens I feel quite abused sometimes. Remember that line from Steel Magnolias where Sally Fields says "why is all abuse heaped on the mother of the bride?" - it is so true. My friend and I have come to the conclusion that it is because they know we will love them no matter what and so we are safe. I take some comfort in that.

As long as I keep most of my opinions to myself and try not to overload her with suggestions, we get along great. And it really is a lot of fun. The other day we went for her dress fitting and, such a relief, there wasn't much alteration needed. The zipper bulged at the bottom right over her, um, bottom and the seamstress and I got into a discussion as to why it was doing that. She thought the lining was too tight and needed letting out. I did not agree and thought it was either that the dress was a bit too loose there or that the outer layer was attached to the lining wrong. She would not let go of the notion that the lining was tight and I finally told her I had been sewing for more than 35 years so kind of knew what I was talking about. She told me she was a seamstress and she knew what she was talking about. Ashleigh did not want the dress letting out as she did not feel it was tight at all but we finally just threw up our hands and said, fine - let it out. At that moment another seamstress came along, took one look at the problem and proclaimed that it was not the lining but that the dress needed taking in at the zipper. She popped a few pins in and, voila!, the bulge disappeared. I scored big points with the daughter on that one.

Speaking of dress fittings.... mine fits!!!!!!! I tried it on two weeks ago and it fits perfectly. Well, I would like to lose another 5 lbs to reduce my shrinking tummy roll even further but I have to say, I am pretty pleased. All the trips to the gym have really paid off. And, after searching the shops high and low for the right earrings and necklace to go with the dress, I found just what I wanted. Not at a shop but at the studio of a local jewelry designer that Ashleigh worked for years ago. We visited her a week ago to order some pieces for the bridesmaids gifts and for Ashleigh to wear with her wedding dress. Entering her workshop is like walking into Aladdin's cave. There are strands of pearls, piles of Swarovski crystals, and loops of gold and silver chain shimmering on each and every available surface. It takes as much willpower as I can muster not to pick up all the finished pieces and try them on. In among the treasures I spied a spool of hammered gold chain circles which I fell in love with on sight. The designer held out a few pieces made with it and I wanted them all. Then she held up another one and I think I might have actually swooned. I knew right away that it was the perfect piece for the dress and when I tried it on my daughter confirmed it. We picked up the finished jewelry yesterday and it all looks so beautiful. Very exciting.

WEDDED BLISS

Well it looks like it is finally going to happen. One of my kids is going to tie the knot. And I have to say, I couldn't be happier for her. Well, ok I could.

The guy she is marrying is Mr. Perfectly Wonderful. Really. He is the type of man I didn't think existed anymore, other than on film. He is a gentleman;  thoughtful, caring, kind, generous, absolutely madly in love with my daughter and isn't afraid to show it. She is madly in love with him. She is blissfully happy and is certain she has found an amazing man who she can spend all her days with.

So why could I be happier?

Because they are getting married on Tortola. And no, that isn't the island from Pirates of the Caribbean. That was Tortuga. Tortola is the largest of the British Virgin Islands. It's an unspoiled vista of lush jungle and white sandy beaches sitting in a sea of... well... Caribbean blue. Perfection. Picturesque. Exotic. Expensive. Very.

Just getting there, no wedding stuff, just GETTING there and accommodations (for four flights and a house that sleeps seven) is going to run over $10,000. That doesn't include spending money or food. And no wedding stuff. Did I say that already? There will be more than four people there but that's the four I am paying for, at least initially.

She wants a beach wedding. And somewhere in-between his family in London and ours in Vancouver so that it doesn't look like they are favouring one side over the other. While I understand the sentiment the logic of it is killing me, to wit: so, instead of inconveniencing just half of the guests let's inconvenience everyone. Hmmm.

It's not like we don't have nice beaches right here in B.C.  I will admit most have what is more like gravel than sand for a beach but not all of them. Tofino is one of her favourite places and the sand is actually sandy, if not the sugar white stuff of the Caribbean. I am sure we could have a gorgeous wedding there. Or I hear tell there is a nice spot on the water in Tsawwassen. Even better. And I am sure his parents would love to see Vancouver if for no other reason than to see where their first-born plans to make his home. But that isn't what they want. Alrighty then. So how about not having it in high season? Wait 6 weeks and the villas will slash prices in half. But that doesn't fit the time line for when they leave London and need to start the sponsorship process for his Canadian citizenship. Ok then. High season on Tortola it is.

Bottom line is this: she is my sweetie; one of my babies. I love her to death and I want her to have the wedding of her dreams. Heck, I wouldn't mind spending a week in the Caribbean in the middle of February. But, and it's a big one, right now the funds just don't exist. Like an idiot I spent the family allowance all those years on books and orthodontics for the kiddies with the goal of raising readers with nice teeth, instead of stashing it away in a high interest account for such a time as this. So what to do? Pray. Pray hard. For another union show like jPod to come along SOON and last all through the winter like Blood Ties did. Because if this winter to come shapes up like last winter, I will have a hard time holding onto the house and car let alone winging myself and three others off to paradise for a week.

And the ex better be ready to cough up the cost of the reception. Because after I pay for the brides dress, my dress, invitations, favours, table decorations, a hair and makeup gal to come along with us, a wedding present (as someone reminded me today...to which I replied 'the whole wedding is a present!!!!') and who knows what else... that meal might be the only one I get all week.